He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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