we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
