Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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