My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
