so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
