Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize