What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
