He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
