last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
