He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
