It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
id be glad to
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
