Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
