This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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