I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
