i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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