The maid of honor just puked.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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