and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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