Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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