8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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