I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
