I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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