I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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