Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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