Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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