in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
