I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He passed out mid-signature
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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