We're like a lot better than the average bears
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
should my penis look like a turkey
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
