in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
