i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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