quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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