My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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