did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
