Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
