so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
