This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
