I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want a musical about memes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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