I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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