I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
