i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
