it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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