your parents love me but you hate me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
