yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
