I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
