Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
