HIV tests are more positive than that guy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
