I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
