I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
