I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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