tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
