Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize