guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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