Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
