Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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