She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
