THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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