His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
