She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
