The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
