I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
