I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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