I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
