OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
