I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
