we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
