Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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