i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
