Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
